Facing the Light

Last week for home-school, my son finished reading the book on space that he had been reading me, and he decided that wanted to tackle , The World History of Geography next. I was game, so we began. Generally when my children read to me, the information is nothing new for me, I'm not saying I'm a know it all, but my kids are all still elementary age, and I know some things. The book began by explaining how the Earth worked, the location of the planets, and how the seasons came to be based on the way the Earth tilted towards the sun. It was interesting, but nothing I hadn't heard before.

The book then explained day and night. Here is where things got interesting. The book explained that the Earth rotated around the sun. Well, of course I knew that, there was no new information there, so I am not sure why this next part was such an Aha moment for me, but it was. The book then explained that most people believe that the sun rises in the morning and it sets at night..... yes, I believe that..... but this is all an allusion......What? Because the sun always stays in one place and the Earth rotates around it, the sun does not rise and set, but sunrise comes when the Earth turns to "face" the sun, and night comes when the Earth "begins to turn away" from it.

When I read those lines, instantly I got chills. There was an amazing spiritual lesson in that geography book. My whole life, I had always thought that the sun rises and sets, but it is not true at all. The light comes when the Earth turns to face the sun, and the darkness comes when the Earth turns away. If we applied that to our own life, we can learn a great lesson. The light comes when we face the Son and the darkness comes when we turn away. It is really that simple. We are told in scripture that there is a type and shadow of Christ in all things. Even in the creation of the Earth, God has shown us who is at the center, what we must do to obtain the light, and what happens if we turn away.

How incredible it is to recognize God's handiwork and understand His love for us and for all His children. I hope that when we are in darkness, we remember that all we have to do is to face Him, and He will bring us light. He will shine the warmth of the morning sun upon our face and His light will dispel the darkness. We all have trials, and we will all at one time or other have to walk in darkness. It is part of our testing here on Earth, but I hope that, just as the Earth turns every morning to face the sun, that we will be just as reliable. When we are in darkness, may we always and forever turn to face God's Son so that we too may see the beautiful light of the morning.

Workways With the Wind

This past week was my birthday, and for my birthday, I wanted to fly kites with my family. Although the weather was a little more windy than usual, I was excited that there was wind to make our kites take flight. Because of the wind, our kites caught hold immediately, and they were off, soaring through the air, dancing upon the wind. They were beautiful and majestic to behold. It gave me a desire to dance on the wind myself.

The trouble my children had, though, is that instead of keeping their kites workways with the wind, they kept trying to force them to fly against the wind, at which time, the kites would promptly and unapologetically fall to the ground with such force that it would almost destroy the frame of the kites. They would then run to the kites without winding their string and, as the wind continued to blow, they would yell at the wind blaming it for their tangled mess.

As I patiently sat untangling kite string, listening to one of my older children blame the wind for all of his troubles, I started to think about the irony of it. We needed the wind that day in order to have the joy in seeing our kites soar high into the sky, yet when things got hard, it was the very thing that was blamed for all the problems. My children wanted the wind, yet they hated it at the same time.

I think that we are sometimes like this in our everyday lives. Often times, when hard things come into our lives, we see them as burdens and we "curse the wind" so to speak. But if we took a minute to understand the value of the wind in our lives, and learn to move workways with the wind, rather than fighting against it, we just might find joy in the journey. Not only will we be able to use the wind to carry us, but it may even give us flight and carry us to a place higher than we ever dreamed we could go.

Let me give an example. My childhood was not easy. Often times I wondered why God would place me in such difficult circumstances. After my mission president helped me see my mother differently, I learned to work with the trials I had been given and they have literally taken me to a place higher than I ever dreamed possible. I have been able to publish a book and become a motivational speaker to hundreds and thousands of people to help them learn the importance of love, trust and forgiveness, and hopefully help them see the value of the wind in their own lives.

So the next time you are flying a kite, and watching it dance upon the wind, remember the importance of the wind, and take joy in it. God has sent it just for you so that you can learn to dance upon the wind too.

You Really Can Move Mountains... One Dirt Clump at a Time

I have always been told that I can move mountains if I just believed hard enough, but no matter how hard I try, I can never quite get my Jedi mind skills to work when those big mountains come into view. I feel that I "believe" and yet, I can't seem to pick up an entire mountain and move it out of my way as if I were Moses parting the Red Sea. I'm not saying that it can't happen, it obviously happened for Moses, but I have been pondering lately on exactly how this phenomenon can happen for me.

In all my pondering, I have come to this conclusion, I really can move mountains in my life, but rather than moving them all at once, I must move my mountains one dirt clump at a time. Let me explain. When I was a young mother, I would look into the eyes of my young children and think to myself, how am I going to teach you everything you are going to need to know to get you through such a difficult world ahead of you? I was scared at the thought of climbing that mountain and of taking my children with me, for fear that we would all fall because I would fail miserably. In reality, though, I don't have to climb the mountain, I can remove it one dirt clump at a time until the mountain is no longer obstructing my view.

How do we move the mountain? It begins with a change of attitude. Instead of looking at the mountain as a whole, look at it piece by piece, and it becomes more manageable. Each lesson I teach my child is a dirt clump I remove from the mountain that is blocking my path. We teach our children one lesson at a time, one day at a time, one moment at a time. Each of those defining moments chisel away at the mountains that we fear are blocking our progression. We don't have to move everything all at once, it comes one step at a time.

Another example is how I have been able to lose nearly 80 pounds. I have always been over weight. It has always been a challenge and I never thought I would ever move this mountain from my view. It happened though, one choice at a time. Each day, each meal, each moment I put something into my mouth, I had to ask myself if I was nourishing my body or sabotaging my goals (was I moving my mountain or was I helping to build it bigger)? Each choice we make can either remove our obstacles or aid in the obstacle becoming bigger. It is all dependent on the choices we make in the moments we make them.

So the next time a mountain blocks your view and you find yourself stuck, unable to move forward, don't get discouraged. Stop telling yourself there is nothing you can do because, after all, you can't move mountains. Change your attitude and you will change your life. Life happens in moments and what you choose to do with those moments that you've been given. Believe in yourself. You really can move mountains, one dirt clump at a time. :)

Chocolate and Other No No's......

It has been a particularly difficult few days for me, and last night, after things finally quieted down, I went to my bedroom closet, reached into my stockpile of chocolate (not just any chocolate, Costco toffee, my very most favorite, and the only kind of chocolate I hide from my children) and shaking like some kind of drug addict, I took a piece and placed it in my mouth. Immediately, I felt calmer as if eating the chocolate somehow took away all the stress I had been feeling and made it magically disappear. My husband, watching the act, started laughing. I immediately defended myself by explaining that my actions were perfectly acceptable because I was pretty sure God made chocolate just for me because he knew that alcohol was against the Word of Wisdom. There was more laughter, the comment that I ought to get that put on a T-shirt, a good-night kiss and he was off to sleep, but I was not.

As I lay in bed with my mind wandering, I began to think about that piece of chocolate and how important it is to me each night after a long hard day. I only ever eat just one, but it gives me something to look forward to. You see, over the past year, I have been working hard to lose weight. I have lost nearly 80 pounds in that year, and, yes, I have still lost the weight by eating my one piece of chocolate. 

It then lead me to think about this in comparison to our children (if you're wondering if I ever got to sleep, I eventually did, but it took a while). Anyway, in losing the weight, our whole family has been learning to eat healthy. It is a lifestyle change and we are all open to it. The thing that makes us open to it, though, is that we still allow our children those things that are considered no no's in this type of lifestyle. We don't give it to them all the time, they get it once a week. We do our best to eat really well most days of the week, but every Friday and Sunday mornings, the kids get sugared cereal for breakfast, and every Friday night is our pizza and movie night. We order pizza, get snacks (candy is involved) and we watch a movie together as a family. My kids have no problem sticking to the healthier things during the week, because they know that come Friday, they are going to have a really fun day, and I am not going to lie to you, Friday is their favorite day of the week!

So here is the lesson I learned in all of this, it is okay that you aren't perfect in everything. So what if you allow your children computer time once in a while when people say they should be outside. So what if you feed them pizza for dinner when the neighbors look on in horror. So what if you buy a wagon full of girl scout cookies and hide them in your closet (okay, I didn't do it, but I was tempted. Moderation, of course, is still important in all things). It's okay to participate in the pleasures of life once in awhile and to allow your children to participate in them as well (as long as they are not against the law or against the Word of Wisdom. I am not condoning sin here). I am simply saying that you can still lose weight by eating chocolate. 

My Awesome Husband and Family Scripture Study

A couple of weeks ago, we had Stake Conference and my awesome husband, Sean, was asked to speak in the adult session. The assignment he was given was "Family Scripture Study, a Principle of Safety". What a great topic, huh? Well, in true Sean form, he wrote a talk that was awe inspiring and made me think of all of the reasons we do it, and why we should continue to do it. For all of you who struggle with this activity in your home, I am sharing with you Sean's talk. Hopefully, it will inspire you as much as it did me and reinforce  your commitment to make it a regular occurrence. It may seem like a long read, but I promise you it is worth it! Here it is:

Who Do You Turn To?

The world is filled with problems. There is discord in government, financial instability, and the erosion of the family unit. The large social problems are accompanied with even more pressing problems in our personal life. The concerns of raising children in a Minefield of immorality, making it safely to a more certain shore of financial security in a sea of debt and wavering markets, or keeping the light in our hearts burning bright when the darkness of depression and doubt threatens to extinguish it. Where do we find relief? What is the solution, the fix to our failing systems and faltering faith?

Let me suggest a solution to all of these problems. Family Scripture Study.

Now before you scoff, I want you to know that I am not being overly dramatic nor am I trying to make light of these problems. I hope to make myself clear on this point. Often when we are faced with over-whelming circumstances, we neglect the simple solutions. Perhaps, we feel that large problems deserve large answers. Other times it is difficult to see how a simple act can bring about a lasting change. Yet, we have seen many an example of such things.

One such example comes to mind from the scriptures among the children of Israel. The deliverance of the children of Israel from their Egyptian bondage was preceded by glorious miracles, culminating in one of scriptures greatest recorded miracle, the parting of the Red Sea (big solution for a big problem). But the troubles of Israel did not end there. They faced many challenges in the wilderness and not without some complaint. Each trial was followed by a miracle, water dispensed from rock, manna from heaven, even victory over their enemies. When one of their greatest trials came, though, the solution did not present itself in such a glorious manner.

On an occasion when the children of Israel were complaining against Moses, fiery serpents entered the camp and bit several of the company. As described in Numbers, chapter 21:

…and the soul of the people was much discouraged because of the way.

And the people spake against God, and against Moses…

…And the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.

Therefore the people came to Moses, and said, We have sinned, for we have spoken against the Lord, and against thee; pray unto the Lord, that he take away the serpents from us. And Moses prayed for the people.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.

Nephi gives us some further insight into this event. (quote)

He [speaking of the Lord] sent fiery flying serpents among them; and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed; and the labor which they had to perform was to look; and because of the simpleness of the way, or the easiness of it, there were many who perished.

Many Israelites perished because the simpleness of the task.

I'm sure that many of them were working on their own solution to the problem. Perhaps some were learned in the ways of medicine and the art of healing, relying on their wisdom to save them. Others may have felt that they were strong enough to endure and even overcome the poison, relying on their own strength. Perhaps there were some who had been praying for a cure and were just waiting for a more miraculous solution similar to the ones they had seen before.

When Moses presented the Lord's solution it was not glorious, it was simple. There seemed to be no logical reason why it would work. So how could it work? They missed the point of the task and it cost them their lives. Obviously, the brass serpent in itself could not heal them, but God certainly could. The brass serpent was nothing more than a symbol representing their willingness to listen to the prophet and to turn to God in their troubles.

Likewise, in our day, the Lord has provided us with very simple solutions as a means of safety in an ever more dangerous world. Today the prophet holds up a new standard, Family scripture study and family prayer. We have been asked to once again, through our actions, demonstrate our willingness to listen to the prophet and do the will of the Lord.

He has not asked us to teach our children to be scholars of the gospel. God does not expect every study to go perfectly. He understands the limited attention span of children and the limited patience of parents. He understands that there will be days when the Spirit is strong and other days when the struggle may seem to invite a different kind of spirit.

While we should do our best to bring the right kind of spirit into our Family scripture study and to instill the principles of the gospel in our children through testimony, as Elder Bednar has suggested, "Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work…”

This is an important principle in which to base our family scripture study. Along with consistency, might I add one other suggestion. You fathers who are here tonight. As the priesthood head of the home, take the lead in this activity and all gospel activities in the home. And as you read from the scriptures with your family, bear that simple testimony to your children of who to turn to for their safety.

Not all of us are able to have the priesthood in the home. I myself grew up in a home without that blessing. Do your best to maintain the activities of family scripture study, family prayer and family home evening and you too will have that same security offered to all those who turn to God.

Today, as the surrounding fiery serpents of the secular world threaten to poison us and our families, we are ever in more need of God's solutions. Family scripture study is a means of safety. It will not fix the problems we face in the world or in our personal lives, and maybe that is why it is so often disregarded in the hustle and the bustle of modern living.

However, I would urge you not to let this prevent you from turning to one of the most important activities that will secure your families safety. I am sure many of those bitten Israelites who were weakened by the poison of the serpents thought of Moses’ commandment to look upon the brass serpent as a trivial thing. Perhaps they said to themselves, “Surely, this would have no bearing on my predicament.”  Tired and weak, they thought of the arduous task to join the rest of the company in looking upon the brass serpent, and said, "Not today. I'm too tired and really what good will it do?"

As we face our problems, we too may feel overwhelmed. Tired and lacking all energy, adding one more activity to our already busy schedule may seem daunting, to say the least. We too may say, "Not today. I'm too tired and really what good will it do? How is such a simple thing going to solve my problems?”

Today there are more solutions offered to us than problems that exist. We dart from one to the other in hopes of finding that solution that will afford us some relief. I think we often feel that the test in life is determined by how well we are able to fix these problems. But, the central test of this life, the pass or fail if you will, is not in how we solved our problems. The real test comes when the tempests of life are at their strongest and it comes with one simple question: Who will you turn to?

How well we fix our problems matters very little, compared to the source we turn to for the solution.

Brothers and Sisters, I bear you my testimony that the Lord is that source and our willingness to have family scripture study as a lasting constant in our home is the beginning of those simple steps that will turn us from the world and its solutions to the true source of safety.  Let us be mindful of the simple tasks that the Lord has given us. Let us concentrate on that duty placed before us and do it, knowing that in the Lord and His solutions there is refuge from the storms. If you will do this, you will be given the strength to endure the "fiery darts" of the adversary and those fearful storms of the world will with time disperse and you with your family will find that new day in the presence of the Lord. In his sacred name, Amen.

A New Direction: Secrets to Share

Since the release of my book in 2010, I have been wondering what to do with this blog. Even though the book was about my mother and her mental illness, I did not want to focus on mental illness because it isn't really something I know a lot about. I know what life was like living with my mother and how I felt as a child, but professionally, there are things I still don't understand. The other thing I don't have experience with is what it is like living with a mental illness, so I can't really help people in that respect either. So the question for me has been, what can I contribute that I am passionate and knowledgeable about that would benefit the lives of others.

After much soul-searching and prayer, I have found my answer, and ironically, the name of the blog still fits. I am a home-schooling mother of five amazing children. I have had the opportunity to teach them daily and see them as they grow. I have taught them how to read, how to write, how to love learning, how to make good choices, and how to be honest and respectful. So many times I take them places and I receive comments like, "What is your secret? How do you get your children to behave so well?" or "I don't know what you are doing, but your children are the best behaved children we have ever seen." When I get these comments, I usually laugh and explain that it's just because we were blessed with really good children, which may be true, but then I started writing articles for a website called FamilyShare about how we raise our children, and I started getting thousands of likes and shares on Facebook. People actually liked what I had to say so much that they were sharing it with their friends. This made me think that maybe it's not just our children. Maybe the things that we do have been making a difference in their lives.

So, after the long explanation, here is the new direction I am taking. This blog is called, "Mother Had a Secret" and I was thinking that I am that mother and I have secrets to share, lots of secrets, on how we raise our children, how I love my husband, and how I treat myself. The things that I learned were not learned from my own mother, they were learned from a loving God who knew I needed a hand, and who has been guiding me every step of the way. So welcome to my blog, welcome to my life, and welcome to my world of secrets. I hope they make a difference in your life, just as they have mine. :)

Breaking Cycles

I have promised so many that I would start blogging regularly and I just keep letting other things get in the way, so with the summer here, I hope to change that. This past week I had the opportunity to speak both at the Chainbreakers Foundation and at an LDS enrichment night. Today, I want to blog about the things I learned from these wonderful opportunities.

We all create cycles in our lives, some healthy, others, not so healthy. After studying the topic, I have learned that there are cycles in my own life that I definitely need to work on. But I have also learned that no matter how unhealthy a cycle is, there is always a way to break it. There are two ways we can look at it. We can see ourselves as a victim of our circumstances, or as a survivor. I looked up the definition of these two words and I was intrigued by their definitions. A victim is someone who has been injured, destroyed, or sacrificed by the actions of an outside force. A survivor is someone who lives on, who continues to prosper and function, someone who withstands. The definition of withstand is to stand up against, to firmly oppose, and the archaic definition: to stop or obstruct the course of.

With these definitions, I would like to shout loud and clear, that I am a survivor. My mother was a survivor. Although my mother didn't stop the cycle of silence (she left that for me) she did stop the cycle of abuse that had been passed down in my family for generations. She did not perpetuate the cycle and become an abuser herself and because of her sacrifice, I never had to experience the difficulties she experienced as a child. Just as my mother stopped the cycle of abuse, I have stopped the cycle of silence. I am no longer chained to the past by a cycle that has been perpetuated for decades. The cycle stops now, with me, and I will never let it control me again.

I hope that others can hear the call and stop the cycles in their own lives, especially the cycle of silence. Whether it's mental illness, abuse, addiction, or any number of other secrets that carry social stigmas, stop the cycle of silence and start talking. Together we stand strong and the more we talk about it, the more people start learning and the more people learn, the more the world understands. Understanding brings healing and peace. Love yourself enough to share your burdens with others, do not carry them alone. And love your children enough to end the cycle with you so that they don't have to one day carry your burden on their shoulders. God is love. Trust in God and live.