It is strange to me that in life, we are constantly thinking we have all the answers, that we know what's best, and that, somehow, it's the universe that has conspired against us. I have learned over the past year that we know very little when it comes to what we really need or want, and that in reality, what we really need is to stop and wait on the Lord.
For the past fourteen years, I have watched my husband, Sean, as he has left the house, so jealous that he gets to have a career where he is appreciated and paid for his opinions and ideas. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I love being a mom, but I have always been the ambitious kind of person. As a stay-at-home mom, rather than a corporate ladder, there's the painting ladder and rather than business suits, there's yoga pants and children in birthday suits. I admit that more than once, I wished that I was the one going to work and he was the one staying home.
Well, God works in mysterious ways, because two months ago, that is exactly what happened. Sean had been struggling to find a good job for nearly a year when a good friend told us of a position in a company he knew that was looking for a full-time woman writer. We talked it through, prayed fervently, and decided to apply and if God wanted me to work, he would give us the job. The day before my interview, Sean received an offer for an engineering position an hour and a half away from our home with good pay but horrible benefits. The next day, I had my interview and was offered the job and with benefits included, it came out better than the engineering position.
Again we prayed and knew it was an answer from God. Our sons are now in Jr. High and I have been struggling to teach them at the level required in both Math and Science. Sean has been a high school science and math teacher for eight years and has the exact knowledge our children need for their growth and development. He is needed at home and I am needed to work. So, our roles are now reversed. It has been an interesting and humbling experience to say the least.
Here is what I have learned:
-Sean is a remarkable husband. I come home tired and worn out and have little energy or desire to want to do anything. When Sean came home from work all those years, he helped with dinner, helped with baths, helped with clean-up and helped with laundry. I rarely saw him sit down. I don't know how he did it. I have more respect for him now than I ever have. Because I am now in his shoes.
-Sean is an amazing father. When I come home, not only has he got the kids to clean the house, but he has taught them, taken them to the library, exercised with them, and read to them. He also has dinner ready. He gets more done in a day than I ever did. He is teaching our children the value of hard work, determination, and the importance of a father doing all things in the upkeep of a home.
-Being in the corporate world is not all it's cracked up to be. I miss being a mother. Now that I've tasted what I thought I wanted, I no longer want it. Isn't that how it always is. We think the grass is greener on the other side until we get to the other side and realize the grass is painted. It's not even grass at all and it doesn't feed us or fill our soul. Don't get me wrong, I like my job but I hate being away from my family. I feel like I'm missing out on precious moments of their life that I will never get back again. Time is short, make the very best of the time that you have.
-God is loving. God has provided us with a way to take care of our family in a way they need it and that doesn't always mean the traditional way of doing things. Our children needed what Sean has to give them and our family needed the ability to provide for our needs so God made it possible for both things to happen. I never thought in a million years that my English degree would provide a salary for us comparable to an engineering salary. That was God's hand, all the way.
-No matter what we do, it is important that we see the good in every situation so that we can be grateful for it. Although working may not be ideal for me, it is ideal for our situation at this moment, and it is making it possible for our children to learn at a level they haven't been able to before. It has also given Sean time to write. He has written nearly two books in the two months I have been working. Who knows where those will take us. All he needed was time and God, in His love and goodness, has given that to us.
I know that God's ways are not our ways and that if we just trust in Him, He will direct our path. If we choose to see the good, we will find it and we will truly feel God's love manifest itself in our life.